Schizoid dating narcissist
Schizoid dating narcissist
It's challenging enough to achieve such rebalancing when one person is personality-disordered and the other is relatively healthy.
When we feel endangered or insecure our natural reaction is to reach out to those we are bonded with for protection.
In that paper, Links drew on his own clinical experience to argue that, when the partnership involves a narcissist, its survival depends on that person's ability to: In addition, says Links, the Arthur Sommer Rotenberg Chair in Suicide Studies at the University of Toronto, the couple needs to "rebalance" itself so that that the narcissist's partner--likely a more masochistic, dependent type--still gratifies the narcissist's need for admiration, but also can glean increased love, approval and support from the narcissist.
By comparison, in a borderline rebalancing, the other partner needs to stop feeding the borderline's impulsivity and emotional volatility, notes Links in other writings.
In adult relationships, Solomon adds, people with PDs may act out early abuse, neglect, violence and other forms of childhood attachment failure--although, as pointed out in the literature on PD underpinnings (see page 42), it's not clear how much these failures stem from parental abuse, already existing childhood pathology that elicits negative parental reactions or an interplay of both.
Causes aside, Solomon maintains that the ingrained PD mechanisms form early: "When a child is terrified at 0 to 18 months, the left brain--the rational language part of the brain--has not yet developed, so the right brain either puts up a shield or views the self as flawed," Solomon says.
Such partners are frequently developmentally arrested, forming a pattern that Lachkar calls "the dance" in a narcissistic/borderline relationship.
The dysfunction in that dance--the narcissist's emotional withdrawal and the borderline's need for rejection and emotional upheaval--can stem largely from childhood attachment problems, a hallmark of personality disorders, Lachkar argues.
Treatment approaches Combating those right-brain reactions by adding left-brain cognitive functions is key to treating couples battling PDs, Solomon says.
However, practitioners lack research on how to effectively do that, says Links, author of the article on couples' treatment prospects for people with narcissistic PDs.
And although empirical research on the pattern is generally lacking--clinical trials on it are few and far between--support for Kaslow's contention appears in a number of books and reports in the literature, such as a theory paper on narcissistic PD in couples by Paul Links, MD, that appeared in 2002 in the (Vol. Personality schisms, however, can complicate such attempts.
Even if only one partner has a full-blown PD, the other partner often shows personality tendencies in the opposite direction, notes Los Angeles psychologist Marion Solomon, Ph D, who wrote a chapter on treating borderline couples for a book Kaslow edited on couples treatment (see further reading).
Unless you walk out immediately and never look back, you are well on your way to becoming this person’s psychic prisoner.